Losing Ground

For those of you keeping track at home, I hit my first marker for running. I made it to the end of the street (twice). That's right. I can now run all the way down my street (uphill - slightly). My chest and throat are burning, but I make it. My next goal is to make it up the street and around the corner. Feel the burn. Pain is failure leaving the body. I hate pain. But I hate being out of shape more. At this rate I will be able to run a mile by the time I am forty.

Who Am I?

So the world of Facebook has become overwhelmed by quizzes galore. These quizzes are designed (and I use that term very loosely - in fact let's put it in quotes, "designed") to uncover aspects of your personality and assign them qualities. I have found out what color I am (yellow), punctuation mark (the semicolon) and type of shoe (stripper heels). I now know that I am both Buffy and River Tam from Firefly - so you had better watch out. I kick ass. And yesterday I discovered that I am as good an astronomer as my friends with doctorates in astronomy (hey, that's what the quiz said). This is what happens when non-professionals design survey tools. Sure, it is more fun to only answer 5-10 multiple choice questions than take a professionally developed assessment tool - just so long as the tool (ha, ha I said tool) approximately measures what it claims to measure. I am alright being the crazy ass-kicker. I know very little actual astronomy - and the test knew even less. I like stripper shoes. What I object to is the color yellow. I am not a sunny personality. Whoever came up with this quiz is a moron. How sunny is that?! You are a fucking moron color quiz maker.
Another thing, yesterday, I took what type of feminist are you and got ecofeminist Vandana Shiva. I don't hug trees. Now I have to find out what decade I am.....

Sigh....

So, I had a harsh dose of reality yesterday. Here I am struggling to get to the point where I can run all the way down my friggin street without imploding, while my friend is training for a marathon. This should not be such a big deal. I have friends that are athletic and they have been runners for years. They are better people than I am. I accept them and only hate them a little bit. I have my excuse of years of laziness and over-eating to overcome. No, my friend in question, has just finished surgery #14 and runs with a poo bag. Yes, the woman that cannot eat and digest food like the rest of us... the woman who has had her guts cut up and worked on over a dozen times in less than 2 years - she is working on her marathon. She and her poo bag can run circles around me. Yes, she has been athletic forever (I assume) but after all of those surgeries, I would be in bed with a pain patch. She is running a few miles a day. Sigh. I am a terrible, terrible person. But one day I will be a terrible person who can run a mile, but probably not a marathon.

Goal Setting

This Friday I go in for my yearly exam. I am not looking forward to it. As most of you know by now, I have been obsessively trying to lose weight and get fit for a few months. My efforts have been increasing as I near my appointment or as I call it "D-Day." I stepped up my cardio to include a mile run/walk nearly every day. When it is rainy, I stay inside and do a workout on my elliptical or from the free zone on Cox.
Needless to say, my run/walk is still not a run. My goal was to be able to run a 8 min mile.... until I started the process. Now, my goal is to run a mile. And that feels ambitious and is fairly painful. I now do a series of dashes to a spot ahead and then a walk to catch my breath and the cycle repeats itself. I start off running and can usually make it a complete block before I have to walk. One day, I will make it all the way down my street. But I doubt that day is today. Maybe next week? It is all about goal setting and trying to make it work.
I even run in my dreams now... only my legs often feel tired and I am in pain even in my sleep.

Baby Time

So as many of you know, I am so looking forward to my three weeks in May as chief child care provider for my then three month old niece. I love spending time with little babies. They are just so sweet, and unlike my three year nephew (whom I love!!!!) they don't need so much active attention and can't talk. But they can listen. My niece is an especially gifted listener. She stares and makes cooing noises and looks so damned earnest. I will have her on Friday for a few hours while my brother and sister-in-law deal with a small medical procedure. I plan to bring her to campus and introduce her to the office. We'll see.
We have been talking about possibly having our own little baby. Right now simply would not be convenient. I want to be able to enjoy my niece and nephew and not have to split time with my own kid. Also, I have a young and crazy puppy who would not do well with a baby. Not sure he ever would. I am about to turn 35 and realize that my clock is ticking, but I am not about to panic and rush something that I am comfortable without right now.

Only Me...

Funny thing happened to me last week. I accidentally signed up to participate in the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life. The Relay is held from 6pm to 6am Friday night into Saturday. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am asleep on Friday before 9pm. I start to get crabby and need to lie down around 8. But, not this Friday! This Friday my butt will be walking around the Parade Grounds in support of my dear friend who has the cancer. (That's right, the cancer.) I believe I have signed up for the critical 2am - 6:30am shift. I figure this way, since I am going to be miserable and crabby, I might as well have gotten at least some sleep... 8pm -1:30am is a good 5 hours.
So, how does one accidentally sign up for a relay? Only I could do such a thing. I wanted to give money so I clicked "Join Me" - thinking I was joining my friend's team by giving her money. Yes, I am an idiot. I did not realize until the site was talking about a tee-shirt and my $10 entrance fee that I had in fact signed up to relay. It would be bad karma to back away from this so I won't. Besides, this gives me an excuse to eat pizza this week. I am excited about supporting my friend with the cancer by being up with her and walking for 4.5 hours. The girl is on chemo - if she can do that and be there - I can not be lazy and grumpy for a night. I am actually glad that I accidentally did this. We'll see how I feel at 7am on Saturday.

Fat Stuffs

So, I have been getting mixed comments to my battle for my body. While I love hearing that I am gorgeous and don't need to lose weight, the reality is that I do. And it is only partially about looks. I admit that I want back the hot, toned body of my youth. I realize that things like gravity and age will make that impossible without surgical intervention - and no, I am not going there. I simply want to stop lugging around the extra 50 pounds (yes 50 frickin pounds) and be healthy. I don't want to be super thin. I simply want to be the correct BMI for my height and have a healthy fat index. I should not be made out of 40% blubber. Muscles are good. However, simply building muscle mass is not equating to loss of fat. (I so wish it would!) Hence, I am reducing my calories and increasing my cardio. Once I get to a healthy place where my body is no longer storing up for the famine, I hope to be able to enjoy increased calories again. In the meantime, I am thinking healthy thoughts and willing myself to a fitter body.