Pfft... whatever

So as a nearly middle aged woman, my biological clock has been buzzing frantically the last few years. I've had some very good reasons not to follow those instincts but those reasons have dissipated quite a bit in the last few months. I have successfully weaned myself off of the antidepressants which have a tendency to produce nasty birth defects. So I no longer have this set of health concerns (just the remaining fear of old eggs). Instead I have the regular old laziness reasons not to reproduce. I would have to dedicate resources in the way of time and money to raising a child. We could make it work. I have no real fears about that anymore. The money we would save by not going out every weekend alone would pay for child care. My husband just quit smoking saving us another $250 a month. We could inherit most of the baby gear we need from all of our friends who have had kids over the years and I know people will buy the child stuff. My brother owes me free babysitting thanks to the hours I have spent with his two kids. Our god daughter is old enough to babysit as is our neighbor's eldest. It could work out. I would have to do a great deal of cleaning out of our house to make room for another human and all the baby gear then human gear involved. The nursery would be the sun room to start so we could keep the guest room for a little while. The prospect of us buying the house next door would probably disappear. I would have to buy a more affordable car as my next vehicle. Any dreams of dropping everything and traveling would be hindered as well. Part of me is a bit greedy and wants stuff over a child. And then t here is the joy of sleeping in on the weekends. I would miss that. But I could adjust for a decade. Pfft.... we'll see.

Ctrl Z Please

So this week has been a technically challenging one for me and I really don't know why. I am not (usually) a complete idiot, but this week is resetting the bar very low. I just sent out an email wherein all of the LSUs were successfully replaced by the auto spell checker as LUST. Shoot me now please. I am the idiot that hit "change all" instead of "ignore all." Our email cannot be called back. There is no magic undo button. And yes, it was an email I was sending on behalf of my boss. Fuck.

This was not the only moment of complete stupidity on my part. My cable box died after a storm a couple weeks ago. I think now that the fuse blew and that the box itself may have been okay. It was a pretty old cable box that was now full of hair, pet and human dander as well as a goodly amount of kitty vomit. It was probably for the best that I got a fresh one. I plugged the new one in and nothing. This is when I realized that the electrical outlet was likely involved. I plugged it into an isobar with the television,; hooked the cable from the tv into the box but forgot to hook the cable from the wall into the box. So I "activated" it and nothing substantive happened. I called Kevin at Cox to complain that my cable was not working. He suggested that I had the wrong line to the cable in. I realized I had no line to it, cursed ever so ladylike in his ear, grabbed the cable, plugged it in and tried again. Still nothing. I tried to follow the cable to the wall only to realize it was just some random cable that went nowhere. Grabbed another cable only to discover the same issue. Hung up with poor Kevin and postponed activating my cable properly until I had had a shower and had returned from work. I did find the correct cable but remain perplexed by the two extra ones that were just stored in my bedroom. They are now in the guest room for save keeping.

I have an hour and change left on this work week. Please let me not do anything else stupid.

My Fear of Cougars

I am a very happily married woman nearing (oh so close!) my 40s. I am also a pretty major flirt and I like bars.... I think you see where this is going. Yes, I fear being seen as a cougar. I have come to despise the term for no other reason than I don't want to be one. I am not after some twenty something young man. Hell, I can barely keep up with the middle aged stud that I have. ( Hiya honey. How You doin'?) But when I am trying to enjoy my self socially and smile at the bartender as I get my drink.... please don't judge me. Don't think, "who does that cougar think she is fooling?" I would like to hold on to the pretense that I am still hot and relevant. My gray hairs are covered professionally with streaks of blond. My time spent running means that I have a healthy tan and am getting my pert butt back. No real visible wrinkles yet.

I could blame this fear on the blog I read today called Monkeys vs Cougars but that would not be completely fair. I think this fear stems from the fact that I am finally never getting carded. I knew the day would come. I expected it ten years ago in all honestly. But this is the first year that I have only been carded once... and well, let's just say that the instance in question felt contrived. You know one of those moments where some punk ass kid tries to make an old lady feel good. Fuck you! I don't need to be carded to feel young. Okay, may be I do. Still, don't pity card me! Enough of this now. Final thoughts. Call me bitchy. Call me catty. Just please don't call me a cougar. Meow.

Responsibility

Okay it has been quite a while since I had a good rant. I think we can all agree it is not healthy to keep things in and it is past time that I railed against some sort of injustice or absurdity. Today I am railing against pet owners who become parents and feel that they can no longer handle the animal in their life. Now I have some sympathy here. I realize the joys of parenting may indeed be overwhelming. I am not going to deny that. I know that some dogs have personalities that might not be right for a house with an infant or a toddler. Got it.
But why in the name of all that is right with the world would you need to get rid of a single cat???? Especially one that you describe as "laid back, sleeps a lot and good with kids." I realize the litter box presents a challenge to pregnant women, but you made it through nine months successfully. Cats are generally not much work. You put out food, fresh water, and clean litter. That is it. From time to time the creature will pop over to see you and request a petting. Mostly they want to sleep and be left alone.
I am speaking of course about the current Facebook plea for an 11 year old seal point Himalayan named Newt. Newt's owner purchased this purebred creature as a kitten and promptly declawed him to save her furniture (strike one there in my mind - though I do think that declawing is preferable to termination of life - you know when your furniture is THAT important.) Newt's owner had decided in her last weeks of pregnancy that Newt was too much work. Did I mention that Newt gets shaved quarterly so the owner does not have to worry about grooming? Yeah. She was going to drop off poor Newt at the pound. Owner surrenders do not pass "go" and head straight for the death chamber. She was willing to put down her 11 yr old cat because it would be too much work what with the baby and all.
Friends on Facebook immediately stepped in and have made the plea for adopting this senior cat. Being the sucker that I am, I volunteer to take him only to be told that the owner has changed her mind (for now). I am glad that she had a change of heart, but am concerned that it will not last and poor Newt will get a death sentence because he is such a burden on this poor new family.
Pet owners, we live in a age where family additions may be planned well in advance. Decisions to have a baby should be well thought out and how your animal will fit into this new family should be a factor from the start. Sure surprises happen, but for God's sake, you then have a minimum of 7 months to (if you must) find an alternate home for your beloved pet.
But guess what? Pets and people (even baby people) can coexist perfectly well together. It is this whole thing called domestication. There are books, pamphlets and websites devoted to informing you (should you need advice) of the ways in which you can get your house baby ready and prepare your pet for the new addition. Most of these things you should already be doing as a responsible pet owner. Your dog should not be your boss and should respond to a few basic commands. Perhaps an investment in a pinch collar and a few obedience classes would be a wise choice before your child arrives in the world (or you get pregnant - you don't want your 80 pound lab jumping on your baby bump.)
For a cat, there is even less to worry about. Your house will soon smell of vomit and dirty diapers which will mask the litter box completely. Your cat is not going to smother your baby or steal its soul while it sleeps. If you are concerned about this, there is a clever invention called the closed door. Cats in general cannot master the door knob. Keep the kitty out of the nursery. Worried that you won't have time to buy cat food or fresh litter? That same store where you buy diapers on a regular basis sells cat supplies.
Bottom line.... you are still going to find the time to wash your hair and shower. You can take two minutes to make sure your cat has food and water and another two minutes to scoop some litter. Responsible parenting begins with responsible pet ownership.

It Sparkles!

I am usually shocked and horrified by the state of the women's bathroom at my work. The fact that some of my co-workers or the women who drop by for a meeting and use the facility are disgusting people bothers me often. But never have I been as stunned as when I found the pile of glitter on the toilet seat. That's right - hooch glitter. Someone was walking around this building with glitter dropping down her pant leg. Hooch glitter. I am not sure if she was just so endowed with the glitter that her hooch left a pile or if she was applying it in the bathroom. I don't care. I just think it is weird and that while glitter gets everywhere, it should not be everywhere. You may still see it on the floor of the middle stall in the second floor bathroom. I wonder if it isn't also under a certain female co-worker's desk as well. Next time, please keep your hooch piles to yourself.

Veteran's Day

As a military brat, Veterans Day is a bittersweet day for me. I grew up in the military, having instilled in me patriotism and a great respect for our men and women in uniform. My problem is that as a third culture kid, the military was my de facto home and I know longer have any ties beyond my memories to it. As a brat, there is no going home. Once you are no longer a dependent, you lose all ties to the only stable piece of your childhood that you had. I look wistfully at folks in uniform, feel a deep connection to their lives yet I am completely removed from it. This is why so many of my classmates either signed up themselves for a military career or are now military spouses.
When people ask the question, "Where are you from?" I now can answer I live in Baton Rouge. Not really the direct answer to the question. I am not from anywhere. I grew up in a bizarre world that only a few folks can really understand. My eyes light up when I see a military base. I am not allowed on it, yet I want so much to walk around, see the familiar sights, hear the familiar sounds... there is nothing like waking up to Reveille or pulling your car over and standing up for Taps at the end of the day. These rituals I miss.

The Sadie Factor

Unfortunately, the LSU Tigers were defeated this weekend by Auburn. While I believe that our offensive coordinator has been lobotomized and that Jefferson should not be allowed to throw the ball, I know that the loss was partially my fault. I am talking about the Sadie factor. I cannot watch an LSU game all the way through in order for us to win. I tried to not watch the 2nd half on Saturday, but I kept popping it on. Now you might think this theory is completely bogus, but let's look at the facts. I actually attended the Tennessee game. I stayed for 3 quarters then had to leave. I went to a neighbor's to catch the end, but could not bear to watch. What happened? A miracle ending. Why? Because I missed it. All of the night games this season? I have not been able to stay up past the half. All of them have been magical victories. Heck, when LSU won the national championships? I missed all of those games. I find the entire thing nerve racking. I love LSU football, but I just should not be allowed to watch. It is a sacrifice. I plan to miss the end of the upcoming Alabama game. Geaux Tigers!