Triggers Aplenty

So I survived the #me2 and Time's Up movement when it first got going. It was hard, but I made it through with a modicum of tears. This latest Dr Ford and Kavanaugh shit is leaving me pretty fucked up. I am just sad. I know what it means to not report. I've seen the effects of reporting. Hell I wrote the letters of response in some cases..." we see no clear evidence...." When it is he said/she said someone's career is more important than honesty or justice. I watched Anita Hill get before the nation and talk about the humiliating sexual bullshit she endured and nothing happened other than she became a household name. I never want to be a household name. Every instance of BS at this campus, I have seen the women who spoke up have to leave. I have seen the women who kept silent, endure. That's the way of our world. Speaking up too often outweighs the trauma of the initial incident. Women know the meaning of the term "return on investment" and "gray area"

14 Years

14 years is too long to wait for retribution. A certain university president just resigned due to an anonymous email accusing him of plagiarism. Technically the allegations are true. I recall pointing out the passages that hadn't been cited and were just plopped verbatim onto the page back when I saw the dissertation. At the time I was pissed by his laziness, not just with the dissertation, but with all of the other writing he had done through the course of acquiring his degree. I was pissed and disappointed in many of his then failings as a human being. I won't go into the details. But 14 years is too long to wait to make this public.

Now it is just tacky to bring up this sort of failing. I will pause to say that I don't feel this way about everything - actual crimes that harm people should be punished no matter how much time had passed. In this case, the man's contributions and successes after this degree should far out-measure his laziness back in the day. It is only because of his success now that this is even an issue. If he didn't have the smarts and skills represented by the degree, he would not have gotten to the point where this sort of allegation could be so damaging. I can't see continued laziness being rewarded for this long. I just can't.

I know I didn't turn him in. I think destroying his career this far out is inviting some serious bad mojo or karma.   But now I am going through the list of folks I know who knew, and wonder. Who did it? What was the motivation? Was it G who is now retired and is full of the need to right past wrongs? Was it A who is in the midst of his own success? What made this come up now?

Did someone hate him so much that they decided the moment he had his dream job was the right time? And it was his dream job - the pinnacle of his success as he defined at the beginning of his career in higher ed. He told lots of people that one day he would be President of ---. And he's done it. Only to have it ripped from his grasp. What sort of person holds on to bad feelings this long? I am glad that I got over it. I can't imagine holding on to that sort of toxicity. Not good for anyone. 

Follow Up on Match

So, I heard back a few weeks later that while I was a viable match after further testing, my match was no longer eligible for treatment. That could be good. It could be bad. I hope that he was responding well to his treatment and no longer needed my cells. I am not convinced, but it could have been and I will never know. 

Anniversary Life

Last night was my 21st wedding anniversary. Yes, we've been making the joke that our marriage can now legally drink so it no longer sees the fun in it. While out to drink after a lovely dinner, I got a text from Be the Match. A whole different set of life changing match making was in the works on our wedding anniversary. I appear to be a good match for a 66 year old man with a condition I couldn't spell yet alone recall.

I immediately agreed to do whatever was necessary - after initially considering that I may save the life of a Trump supporting bigot - but I don't ever have to know so I can pretend he works for the Southern Poverty Law Center instead.

Anyway, I was shocked by how emotional I was reacting. I have tears just thinking about this. I can imagine the hope that this man and his family must have with a match a possibility./ Be the Match details the commitment of time, travel and discomfort that will be likely. I don't just go down the road to the hospital and donate some blood like I initially thought. Yes, I get now that the non-surgical donation option involves several days of treatments in advance of several hours of fluid draw. I weigh my discomfort and the annoyance/inconvenience of this again someone else's dying and it seems a pretty clear trade off.

I have just sent in my consent papers to have my initial sample tested further to see if we are indeed a good match for one another and to ensure that the sample provided at the time is not indicative of any health risks. I will keep you posted.....

Thoughts on Marriage

What is the key to staying married? Staying married. Realize that shit is going to crop up and you either deal with it together or you'll deal with it separately. Therapy has a better return on investment than divorce. Realize that there will be days when your spouse gets on your last nerve; when his breathing bugs the shit out of you. 9 times out of 10 - it isn't actually him. It isn't even you. It is stress from work, from bills, your hormones or exhaustion that is being incorrectly but oh so conveniently directed at your spouse. Ignore it and hope that you both don't feel this way at the exact same time.

People claim that marriage is about compromise and sacrifice. I call bullshit on that. Marriage is inherently a selfish act. It is a relationship whereby you are a better you because of your spouse. Together you are the best individuals you can be. A healthy marriage isn't full of sacrifices; it is full of opportunities for growth. Over the last decade or so, we've known you as individuals and as parts of a pair. We can safely say that you've grown well together and that together you are better yous than you are apart.

May your married life be drama free. May your marriage be punctuated by laughter, peppered by doggie kisses, strengthened by your individuality, underpinned by friendship, and reinforced by your love for one another, May you giggle twenty years from now when you look at each other and realize, "we're married."

Songs for Animals

Our animals have their own theme songs. I have a hard time keeping them straight so I am making a list.. I can't recall a few so they will be blank until I recall

Cats:
Popo: Macho Man by The Village People
Orsino: Love Fool by The Cardigans
Alistair: I'm Afraid of Americans by David Bowie
Callisto: Polyester Bride by Liz Phair
Rocco: something by System of a Down?
Basho: Glamorous by Fergie
Mineaux: Help I'm Alive by Metro
Juno: Dog Days Are Over by Florence & The Machine
Harpo: Fancy by Iggy Azalea
Van Gogh:




Dogs:
Lily: Brown Eyed Girl by every cover band ever; I Feel it All by Feist
Cixous: Scooby Doo Where Are You? theme song
Austin: Tub-thumping by Chumba Wamba or whatever; Breezeblocks by alt-J; Home by Dotan (He was also a big Dave Matthews fan)
Stella: Stellar by Incubus
Kurzweil: Bicycle Race by Queen (you know, because he really gets excited by bicycles)
Dacia:  I Love It by Icona Pop

Spring time was always my favorite time of year....

Yesterday Prince died.......

I have seen a number of artists pass over the years, Kurt Cobain was the voice of my generation. Favorite punk rockers went to sleep and never awoke. Earlier this year the great David Bowie passed. Death and music go hand in hand. None of these deaths hit me quite like Prince's.

Let me be clear. I am not some great Prince fan. I never owned an album. I admire his work and his artistry. It is only with his passing that I realize the tremendous role he played in my life as I grew up.
My first memory of Prince was secretly listening to Darling Nikki on a school bus as we headed out to a field trip. Purple Rain was an album I wanted to own, but there was no way my parents would allow it in the house at the time.

I am the MTV generation. I grew up with videos playing every day. It was the only thing we watched in our household. Prince was always there. He was the background. I could sing along to Little Red Corvette. Knew all the words to Raspberry Beret. Diamonds and Peals seemed to always be playing somewhere in the background of high school.

As a young child, my first inkling of domestic violence came from the song When Doves Cry. I knew relationships could be complicated. Prince taught me that. I learned that masturbation existed. I had never heard the word before Darling Nikki and her magazine. I began to understand that sexuality should be expressed and discussed - not just puritanically hidden thanks to songs like Cream.


From Prince himself, I learned that gender identity could be fluid. A guy could wear heels and a blouse and rock it. I learned that my binary world view was limiting and not the way I wanted to go forward. I learned that life could be complicated and that it was okay.


Thank you, Prince for making me a better person. Always cry for love; never cry for pain.....