Studpidity

When stupid just does not cut it.... Yes, I am hereby adding this term to my mental dictionary. Studpidity refers to the type of stupidity that breeds. Much like the mucus that is slowly invading my lungs now (Santa, I want pneumonia for Christmas), studpinity has overtaken our televisions (yes, I am talking about you, Glen Beck - you are not a thinker!)and is swallowing whole our nation. Case in point: the CEOs that don't understand basic finance but collect $40M, Harvard MBAs that don't understand anything substantive - like running our nation or a baseball team, college students that despite a pretty decent education refuse to think critically, and the idealistic who are morphing quickly into do-nothing cynics. Studpinity is a hella fine word.

Will Wonders Never Cease

I have been struggling with a mucus attack of late. I have gross stuff coming out of all of my face holes. It majorly sucks. I think my head has decided to bog itself down in the literal morass of our current administration. My head is a metaphor for our struggling economy and embarrassing foreign policy. The painful cough that won't go away and hurts whenever it rears its ugly head? That is our military actions in Afghanistan and Iraq. The sniffles in my nose? That is our market sloughing off into nothing and infecting our neighbors. I blow away the value of our dollar with every sneeze. The drip drip into my ears? That is bipartisan bickering over a solution. Unlike the country, my cold is getting better and will likely pass in the next couple of days. I simply need to continue to flush my system with tons of water.... hmm.... I won't go there.

Not for the Squeamish

So I was walking back from lunch when there on the ground was a bloody tampon. It was in the middle of the sidewalk not far from my campus building. I am not so amazed that it was there, but rather affixed on how it got there. Did it fall out? Was some young co-ed walking down the street and it just slid out? Did she have it in her purse or pocket and it fell out?
I fortunately do not have to deal with the monthly vagaries of womanhood right now - thank you Depo Provera! But I remember the days of tampon usage. I cannot think of a single time when I would remove it and carry it around. Bathrooms have garbage cans as well as toilets... (though I never recommend flushing them - nothing worse than clogging someone's toilet.) This is not to say that I have not had to pick up the errant used sanitary device. I have both dogs and cats that think going through the garbage for toys and/or snacks is a great idea. (The only thing my dogs like better than a nice used tampon, is a dirty baby diaper). I cannot see one of them leaving the house (successfully) with one of them "en mouth" and then dropping it on a walk.
Anyway, I simply do not understand the how and this mystery boggles my mind. Suggestions?

Not just the Roof

So, I had the contractor come over and take measurements and assess damage. He thinks I am going to need an entirely new ceiling in the living room, but that State Farm will probably not pay for a new ceiling in the other rooms where I have water damage. Sigh. So far both the FEMA inspector and the contractor have made it to my house. Still have to wait on good ol' State Farm. Double sigh.

Isn't That Special?

I walk a very fine line in my professional world. I like (read insist) on getting my own way, but I don't want be seen as difficult. I speak my mind but don't want to be seen as a complainer or overly negative. These conflicts cause quite a bit of anxiety on my part. Case in point: I was offered the chance to meet with one of my lesser favorite colleagues. He is one of those people that I refer to as an idiot, and meetings with him as a massive waste of time (I often can hear my brain cells crashing and burning out of exposure to this level of banality). So, I gently inquire of this person's supervisor something to the effect of "Why am I wasting my time meeting with this person?" So the next day, he does not show up to the meeting. At first I am delighted. I feel like I have won some sort of prize. Then I get a little paranoid. I wonder - "What, so I am not good enough to meet with? not worthy of your time, you f%*ing idiot?!" Perhaps he did not want to meet with me. (Unthinkable, I know - but I have been feeling a bit insecure lately). As he was (I think) actually called into a meeting with his supervisor, I am merely grateful. So, I am trying to work on my game face and at least appear a bit more professional even when dealing with idiots.

My letter to State Farm

Dear State Farm:
I am writing to express my deep disappointment in our relationship as it currently stands. We have been a State Farm family for generations. Immediately family members have worked and continue to work for you. My husband's big wheel as a toddler had a State Farm bumper sticker on it. We have State Farm life insurance, auto insurance, and home insurance. We consider our business relationship to be a very personal one. You, however, clearly do not and this saddens me.
I understand we need to pay a whopping hurricane deductible of 2% of the value of our home. I am fine with that. You need to keep the shareholders happy and make a profit - which is hard to do in this state. I even understand that I have to wait for the insurance adjuster to visit my property before I can get repairs that you will no doubt have to pay a good portion of. What I don't understand is why it will take so damn long for the adjuster to visit?! I performed my due diligence, notifying you of the damage to my home as the winds of Gustav were still whirling by on September 1. The adjuster did not call until today, and cannot see me until October 9.
My roof, while tarped, is still seeping water every time it rains. I will certainly have mold growing that will need to be dealt with after such a length of time. I note that there is a mold exclusion in my home owner's agreement. I sincerely hope you do not plan to play that card since it will be your fault I have not been able to schedule the mold-avoiding repairs necessary for my home. I would be way too pissed for words should that happen. Thought you should know.

Your number one fan

Stumped

Kurzweil seems to be growing, but not actually getting any bigger. I'll literally wake up one morning (last week for example) and notice that his head is no longer in the same proportion to his body or his body is no longer in the same proportion to his legs. So, he seems to be growing. He is supposed to be growing - he is still a puppy. However, he does not seems to be getting any bigger when compared to the other dogs. They are not growing. In fact, they should be shrinking since I placed them on diet dog food. I wonder if he is going to completely ignore his potential for hugeness and be a medium sized dog? I certainly hope not. I want him to be gigantic - like Clifford. It is a good thing he is still cute. Please get bigger!