I Hate Helicopter Parents or Why Gen X Should Not Have Had Kids

I work at a University in the South. I was born in the early 70s. I have witnessed first hand my generation go from disenfranchised slackers to insane helicopter parents. It is a sad and frightful thing. My generation should have not had children. It is a simple thing. We (and I use this term to own up to the fact that had I had children in my 20s I might be this sort of person now)felt so neglected and alienated from our own parents that we coddle our children to the point of unhealthy enablement. They cannot ride their bikes unescorted down the street. They cannot go out without GPS enabled on their cell phones. Yes, we were all scared shitless when little Adam was kidnapped from the shopping center and this traumatized us to the point that we become uber-protective. I will allow that children ought to be protected. I think children should be coddled and feel important. However there is a line and that line is the magical age of 18. Cut the apron (and purse strings) Gen X parents! Sure we were shoved off into the scary world all on our own without direction. Sure we wondered around experimenting with heroin and bathing in our ennui. So what? Every generation has to find themselves and that is messy. Let your children wander free. Disengage. Their lives are not yours to run. Find a new hobby. Perhaps train a dog in agility? Build a kit car to tool around town in. Stop hovering over your grown children. They need guidance from afar when requested. You do not need to hold their hands through college. And you certainly do not need to call their places of employment and advocate on their behalf. Let your kids fight their own battles now. They are grown up physically. They will never emotionally mature if you continue to run their lives!

I Understand You Are a Dirty Hippy

Look, I understand that you are a dirty hippy. You can still smell like a civilized human being and not a Big Mac. Yes, you have a hipster persona that you must maintain. You don't want to poison your temple of a body with toxic antiperspirants. Fine. I get that. I am not happy about the aluminum in my Secret. However, I must interact with other humans and I don't want to offend them by smelling bad. You know, like you. There are many options that you should explore especially since you live in a swamp and it is June. You don't want your dog think it should roll around on you instead of the dead squirrel carcass in the back yard because you smell worse. Here are my suggestions: 1.) Get rid of your hippy soap and regularly wash (twice a day during the summer please) with a stronger soap like Dial. 2.) Invest in wet wipes. Scrub those arm pits periodically throughout the day (especially while at work) 3.) Buy some deodorant. It does not contain the poisonous chemicals of an antiperspirant. 4.) Try to keep fresh and dry by applying baby powder to those trouble areas. I want you to succeed hipster. But more importantly, I want to be able to stand next you without my eyes watering.