Marriage is not easy under the best of circumstances, and we rarely live in the best of circumstances. My own marriage seems to be on pretty solid ground. Mostly because we have compatible expectations and life goals. Secondly, because we genuinely like and respect each other and take time to reiterate our mutual appreciation on a daily basis.
Marriages break down because of many issues, but I think at the heart of it is plain old resentment. Perceived sacrifices that involve expectations and life goals fester into resentment and the marriage breaks down. Sad, but true. Sometimes the resentment stems from lack of communication; other times from decisions that one person did not want to make - but did for the "good of the marriage." Decisions made that are regretted are never good for the relationship. To my mind, we are all adults in these relationships and have to take ownership of the decisions we make. It is a balancing act.... we must weigh our satisfaction with our existence based on the decisions we make and the perceived satisfaction we would have if the decision was not made. In my own case, the sticky point of our marriage involves progeny (our lack thereof). I weigh not having a child and maintaining my marriage "as is" against both the perceived satisfaction of having a little one and the potential destruction of my marriage. Some days my maternal needs seem to rule, but so far that is not the norm. I have to own these feelings and not resent my husband for his.
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1 comment:
don't forget three very important words that can contribute to the breakdown of a marriage: "lack of orgasm."
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