Dear Lincoln Letter

Dear Lincoln Automotive:
While I am looking for an American car brand to replace Saturn in my heart, I do not think you and I will work out. It simply isn't a relationship I am ready to get into. It's not me. It's you. You are the brand of choice for old people and pimps. At 35 - going on 36, I do not consider myself "old" and I am not now nor have I ever been a "pimp". Okay, I was voted in high school likely to run a bordello when I grew up, however, madame and pimp are not the same aesthetic. I am writing to ask that you please stop marketing directly to me. Yes, your commercials feature some of my favoritest songs from my misspent youth. I get a kick hearing The Church's Milky Way and "4-3-2-1 earth below us...." and then am immediately horrified to be enjoying a Lincoln commercial. You are not cool to drive if you are a 35 year old woman of the world. So cut it out.
Sincerely,
Sadie