A Letter to a Colleague

Dear ----,
I don't know how to say this to you directly, and I am sure you would not listen even if I did just tell you, but your spouse is a loser. Now, I am not one to randomly throw stones. I understand that not everybody gets my own life choices, but our relationship works. Yours does not seem to. Not only does he look like a toad and lack ambition, but he does not seem to treat you as well as he ought. You are sad and unengaged. I would love to be your friend, but just knowing you are married to him really puts me off of any long term investment in friendship with you. I don't mean to be mean. I have confirmation of his general loser-ness from folks that work with him. No one says, oh, he is a great guy. He is not fun. He is not smart. You really should drop him now before it is too late and complicated. It is still early enough in your marriage to get out unscathed. There are no kids and no complicated finances. Just leave and find happiness.
Ernestly,
Sadie