My Masculine Mind

All the BS arguments about how women are one way and men are another aside, I listen to people in a way that is most associated with masculinity. I do not simply listen and offer supporting affirmations. I just don't do it. My mind instead starts churning out possible variables and solutions. You have presented me with a puzzle or a problem and I want to help you solve it. That is the way my mind works. I take on the sharing of your burden. It becomes mine as well. I game theory it out with several Boolean type pathways. While this is especially useful for me professionally, it does not always meet the needs/expectations of my friends and family. They know my limitations and strengths. If they present me with a problem, I will present them with options to explore. If they want someone to just listen in a non-judgmental way, they talk to my husband.

Songs for Living (Songs for Warriors and Chemo Patients)

Needed an upbeat list of life-affirming songs to use to get through the rough patches. Pretty sure I could just listen to any album from Polyphonic Spree and I would feel better, but a play list is much better! All: Vida Blue All American Rejects: Swing Swing Alkaline Trio: Movin Right Along Alkaline Trio: Blue Carolina Alkaline Trio: Time to Waste Black Eyed Peas: Alive Black Eyed Peas: I Gotta Feeling Blink 182: Josie Blink 182: All the Small Things Blink 182: Feeling This Blink 182: Party Song B.o.B.: Airplanes Dropkick Murphys: Warrior's Code Dropkick Murphys: My Hero Dropkick Murphys: Never Forget Green Day: Having a Blast Green Day: When I Come Around Green Day: 2000 Light Years Away Green Day: Christie Road Fall Out Boy: Phoenix Fall Out Boy: Dance, Dance Florence & the Machine: Dog Days Are Over Florence & the Machine: Shake It Out Foo Fighters: Times Like These Foo Fighter: My Hero fun.: Stitch Me Up Gym Class Heroes: The Fighter Jezabels: She's So Hard MIA: Paperplanes No Doubt: Just a Girl No Doubt: New NoFX: Bob Outkast; Hey Ya! P!nk: Raise Your Glass P!nk: Don't Let Me Get Me Pitbull: Rain Over Me Polyphonic Spree: Soldier Girl Polyphonic Spree: Get Up and Go REM: Shiny Happy People REM: Fall On Me Shakira: Hips Don't Lie Tom Petty: Freefalling Tom Petty: American Girl

Song to Die to

My best friend since college (other than my husband) has been dealing with her sister's recent diagnosis of brain cancer. This is her second cancer and despite the chemo and radiation will most likely be terminal. Very heavy stuff. But my darling friend is staying strong through this - providing support to he family often to the detriment of her own sanity and health. Stress takes a toll. That said, she has a friend who also has a sister that is dying - only this death is a matter of days and hours not years. So she started making song recommendations for this sister to listen to while in hospice care. I though the idea of a soundtrack for death makes a lot of sense. We have had mixed tapes or now playlists for all of our major roadtrips and life events. So I need ideas of songs to die to. I will start the list. I am doing this alphabetically by artist. The mix itself will have to be better thought out. AFI: Girls Not Grey (Davey Havok will be so proud to be on this list! And to be fair, Sing the Sorrow will make you wish you were dead if you listen to it all the way through) Airborne Toxic Event: Does this Mean You're Moving On Alkaline Trio: I'm Dying Tommorrow Alkaline Trio: Live Yound, Die Fast (from Agony and Irony) Alkaline Trio: Mercy Me (from Crimson) (There are a ton of Alkaline Trio songs that are really appropriate, but I won't list all of them, just a select few. I will limit myself to three. Seriously, you could just pick any album to die to) Beastie Boys: Bodhisattva Vow (from Ill Communication) Beastie Boys: Intergalactic (Hello Nasty) BoB: So Hard to Breathe (Strange Clouds) Concrete Blonde: Walking in London David Bowie: Ashes to Ashes Everclear: So Much for the Afterglow Fall Out Boy: Calm Before the Storm Incubus: Stellar Jezabels: Into the Ink Jimmy Eat World: My Sundown (Bleed American) The Lawrence Arms: Necrotism Metric: Help I'm Alive MGMT: Love Always Remains Motion City Soundtrack: Fell Like Rain My Chemical Romance: The End New Pornographers: Go Places No Doubt (TaLk Talk Remix): It's My Life Panic at the Disco: She Had the World (Pretty. Odd) Peter Shilling: Major Tom The Pogues: Streets of Sorrow Polyphonic Spree: Its The Sun Stars: Winter Bones (Five Ghosts) Thin Lizzy: Sun Goes Down Tori Amos: Winter This list will be a work in progress of course. My next song list will be songs for chemo. I think a playlist for undergoing chemotherapy would be important to have on hand. Dropkick Murpheys The Warrior's Code will definitely be on that list and Jezabels She's So Hard.

Bandwagon's Full. Please Join Another

So I have lived the last fifteen years or so on the cusp of being mistaken for a crazy animal person. We currently have three cats and three dogs inside our house. We have had slightly more than that over the years. I think we had 5 dogs at one time - but were trying to find homes for the fifth one and did so successfully. Any new dog we find on the streets, we try to place outside of our home. Sometimes we are successful, sometimes we are not. Our 11 year old yellow lab wandered into our yard on MLK Weekend over ten years ago. We found two different homes and neither worked. At the time we already had three dogs and four cats. We managed with the four and four balance for quite some time. Dogs and cats do not live as long as we would prefer so the packs have changed over years. We still have one of the original cats who is going on 17 and running strong (knock on wood). Our last adoptions of dogs have resulted in a 5 year old doberman who hates/loves our 2 year old pit mix. We keep them separated - but that is another story altogether. Bottom line: we have no plans of adopting any other dogs while we have the two youngsters. So we can envision a day when we have a single dog again. I mention all of this because while we have been fortunate to have financial help several years ago when a dog needed surgery and we were going to have to struggle to pay it, we have never had to ask friends and family to chip in to afford an adoption fee or to afford the daily necessities for our animals. A couple I know are planning to adopt their second adoptive child. In addition, they have three biological kids and I thought 4 was on the way. All of these children are well under the age of ten. They are asking for donations to support the addition to their alreadsy crowded household. To my mind, the rules of animals and children care are the same: you should not have more than you can afford. When the quality of life suffers to that point, I no longer think of you as a parent, but as a hoarder. Like with all other hoarding, you are feeding some sort of never fulfilled psychic void and have no business doing this at the expense of your family. As the oldest of six children myself. My mother had 8 pregnancies... one was premature and did not make it, the other did not make it to birth. I am pretty sure that for her motherhood became a type of hoarding. She had no identity of her own and became obsessed with having children. She did not ever actually engage with us after the new baby smell wore off however. Don't get me wrong. I love and adore every one of my siblings. I am happy that they were all born. I just wish we had been born into a different household under healthier circumstances.

In Case of My Untimely Demise

My husband and I attended a memorial service for a friend's father last week. It was a Methodist service for a man who was active in his church and married to someone who took religion very seriously. As an atheist, I just kept thinking how very different my and my husband's memorial service should/would be. The widow wrote a eulogy for her husband of 48 years which was read by the minister. She shared some family memories and then spent a good deal of time talking about how proud she was that her husband dedicated his life to God and the church and would walk with him on streets of gold. It all seemed very.. well.. silly, I guess is the appropriate word (though I hate to think that of a loved one's goodbye). This sense of an afterlife simply does not equate to my logic. As we were driving back, we spoke of how we thought our memorial services would go down. I of course had a horrible thought that what if we died on the way back without leaving instructions? I could just see my mother organizing a funeral mass for me complete with rosaries for my soul. My husband's parents would do their Methodist version of this. I was horrified. My husband says I will be dead so I won't notice or care. I am a bit of a control freak so I figure I should lay out some instructions. My husband and my sister read this blog from time to time so either one of them can use this blog entry as my instructions. So this really is a note for them. You may continue reading, gentle readers, as it might be of interest. First off, these instructions may be updated formerly should I be fortunate enough to live a long life. Right now, this is it. I want to be cremated. If any of my friends or family want a portion of my ashes, they may have them so long as they do not try to do anything magical or religious with them (My mother cannot have them). The cremains may be otherwise dumped on the parade grounds at LSU. I would like my life and death to have a marker - though not the traditional cemetary kind. I don't think there are any more Oak trees on the campus to endow and have a marker under (which is my first choice) so you will need to find an alternative. If you get stuck, the bricks in front of the Tiger Cage are like $200. In lieu of flowers, donations should be made to Friends of the Animals or directly to the Companion Animal Alliance of Baton Rouge. I would like to see my friends and family have a memorial service for me. I do not want any unflattering photos of my to be shown. I will leave it to my husband if he is still alive and my BFF Karen to collect and review any pictures. My sister in law Kristin should have final say. I trust her to be the most picky. She is a professional after all. The service itself I would prefer to be on campus (The Lawton Room would be perfect). Sharla or Beverly will know whom to contact and how to organize this. You should put them to work. They are good at this sort of thing. You may find them through my Facebook contacts. I do not want there to be any mention of God or Jesus as that is not how I roll. I understand that memorial services are about the living, but I think they should respect the dead as well. In terms of content, I would like the following - Prelude (Jimmy Hendrix's Lil Wing should be played as it was our wedding song and remains a favorite) Welcome (Stafford would be a good master of ceremony and could take care of this) Reading: Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock (my favorite poem) Song: Amazing Grace (Beverly should sing this - she may be joined by Sharla and my mother in law if they wish) I really like this song and the other spirituals listed. This will be my god-allowance for my more spiritual friends/family Series of speakers (whoever wants to say a few words is welcome) Song: In the Garden (it makes me cry and will be appreciated by the god crowd) Eulogy - not sure who gets stuck with this responsibility. Decide amongst yourself. Processional: Summertime (Cole Porter's version as Summer is my favorite time of year) I think that is everything. There should maybe be a second reading, but I don't think we need to drag it on. Love you! Keep Mom from Catholicalling this all up. (Following the memorial, everyone should drink profusely. The Chimes would be a good location as I spent over 20 years drinking and eating there. Perhaps reserve the room downstairs? Just a thought.)