In Case of My Untimely Demise

My husband and I attended a memorial service for a friend's father last week. It was a Methodist service for a man who was active in his church and married to someone who took religion very seriously. As an atheist, I just kept thinking how very different my and my husband's memorial service should/would be. The widow wrote a eulogy for her husband of 48 years which was read by the minister. She shared some family memories and then spent a good deal of time talking about how proud she was that her husband dedicated his life to God and the church and would walk with him on streets of gold. It all seemed very.. well.. silly, I guess is the appropriate word (though I hate to think that of a loved one's goodbye). This sense of an afterlife simply does not equate to my logic. As we were driving back, we spoke of how we thought our memorial services would go down. I of course had a horrible thought that what if we died on the way back without leaving instructions? I could just see my mother organizing a funeral mass for me complete with rosaries for my soul. My husband's parents would do their Methodist version of this. I was horrified. My husband says I will be dead so I won't notice or care. I am a bit of a control freak so I figure I should lay out some instructions. My husband and my sister read this blog from time to time so either one of them can use this blog entry as my instructions. So this really is a note for them. You may continue reading, gentle readers, as it might be of interest. First off, these instructions may be updated formerly should I be fortunate enough to live a long life. Right now, this is it. I want to be cremated. If any of my friends or family want a portion of my ashes, they may have them so long as they do not try to do anything magical or religious with them (My mother cannot have them). The cremains may be otherwise dumped on the parade grounds at LSU. I would like my life and death to have a marker - though not the traditional cemetary kind. I don't think there are any more Oak trees on the campus to endow and have a marker under (which is my first choice) so you will need to find an alternative. If you get stuck, the bricks in front of the Tiger Cage are like $200. In lieu of flowers, donations should be made to Friends of the Animals or directly to the Companion Animal Alliance of Baton Rouge. I would like to see my friends and family have a memorial service for me. I do not want any unflattering photos of my to be shown. I will leave it to my husband if he is still alive and my BFF Karen to collect and review any pictures. My sister in law Kristin should have final say. I trust her to be the most picky. She is a professional after all. The service itself I would prefer to be on campus (The Lawton Room would be perfect). Sharla or Beverly will know whom to contact and how to organize this. You should put them to work. They are good at this sort of thing. You may find them through my Facebook contacts. I do not want there to be any mention of God or Jesus as that is not how I roll. I understand that memorial services are about the living, but I think they should respect the dead as well. In terms of content, I would like the following - Prelude (Jimmy Hendrix's Lil Wing should be played as it was our wedding song and remains a favorite) Welcome (Stafford would be a good master of ceremony and could take care of this) Reading: Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock (my favorite poem) Song: Amazing Grace (Beverly should sing this - she may be joined by Sharla and my mother in law if they wish) I really like this song and the other spirituals listed. This will be my god-allowance for my more spiritual friends/family Series of speakers (whoever wants to say a few words is welcome) Song: In the Garden (it makes me cry and will be appreciated by the god crowd) Eulogy - not sure who gets stuck with this responsibility. Decide amongst yourself. Processional: Summertime (Cole Porter's version as Summer is my favorite time of year) I think that is everything. There should maybe be a second reading, but I don't think we need to drag it on. Love you! Keep Mom from Catholicalling this all up. (Following the memorial, everyone should drink profusely. The Chimes would be a good location as I spent over 20 years drinking and eating there. Perhaps reserve the room downstairs? Just a thought.)