Wake Me when September Ends

Cixous, our beloved rottie mix came to live with us ten years ago tomorrow. It was the Saturday after 9/11 and Jeff and I wanted to do something positive to counter the wrongs that had just happened. We were with Jeff's cousin Stafford, her husband Jed and their then toddler Quinn. We had plans to stop by the Muslim owned Po-boy shop to purchase lunch. The owners had received death threats immediately after 9/11. Apparently everyone else in Baton Rouge had decided the same thing. We ran by PetSmart and the pound was there with animals for adoption. We had been talking about getting a second dog. Jeff found Cixous and was in love. I was not immediately sold on having a second dog let alone this one. I used the excuse that we did not have our checkbook. Stafford whipped hers out and we took home Cixous. We hadn't named het Cixous yet. We were intending to find a good Muslim name but nothing fit. I was working on my master's degree at the time and had been reading a bit of Helene Cixous. I had just butchered her name in class (Six Us) and thought Cixous would be appropriate. It fit. And I got to spend the next decade listening to our vet office butcher the name too. It was a small vindication.

She and our other dog Lillith did not actually get along. Cixous thought she should be the alpha despite the fact that our pitbull boxer was clearly in charge. The battles were scary. Lillith died of cancer (hemangiosarcoma) nearly four years ago. Cixous has been in her glory as bitch in charge ever since. Now the wheels have turned and Cixous has cancer (osteosarcoma). She was diagnosed the last week of April. We decided against amputation and treatments. She was ten years old (which is about right for a rottie) and had arthritis anyway. She has been on pain killers (three times a day) and Jeff and I have a quality of life checklist for her. So long as she continues to enjoy life (she still wants to go on walks - we went on two yesterday morning alone!, rolls around goofy on the sofa, grabs her purple man from time to time, and can sleep)n we will continue to be there with her. Once these things are gone, we will send her on her way.

There have been several days when I have thought - this is it. She is going. Then she bounces back. I just don't know how many more bounce backs she has in her. This morning she said no to grilled salmon ($22/lb at Whole Foods - spoiled much?) but she nibbled at her kibble and ground beef and ate some organic turkey and veggies babyfood. Her stomach is a bit upset right now (we go in phases) and her leg has swollen. It does not seem to be painful just a bit uncomfortable for her. She was up most of the night unable to settle. We are taking one day at a time and are grateful for every walk around around the block.

These days provide great lessons for living. Cixous likes to spend several moments after her morning walk just sitting in the sun and getting petted. Sitting quietly at the break of day, feeling the warmth of the sun - this is a great way to start a day. Cixous likes to meet up with other dogs and people on her walks - the lesson here being to treasure your friends and be open to new opportunities. These lessons will live on even tough she won't. Here's to another day!